Peter
Psychiatry has for a very long time been a kind of pet hobby to me. Apart form theology and biographies, psychiatry and sociology must be the fields I read up on most. I am especially interested in child trauma and how it distorts early brain development in a way that has a huge influence on a person’s life. If such a person is not recognized and helped, it could have a life long detrimental impact on everything from job security to relationships. I find case studies especially interesting in this regard. Some children lived through unspeakable horrors, things that would be hard to manage for even the most resilient adult. Although these case studies are extreme examples it helps one to see how similar, though different in scale experiences explains traits you notice in yourself and the people around you every day.
In a book called: “The Boy who was raised as a dog” by Bruce Perry one story in particular touched my heart and gave me hope for humankind, a hope I want to share by retelling the gist of it. Perry’s work in this field is brilliant. I like his approach of instead of focusing on the question: “What is wrong with this child?”, he rather focuses on a different one: “What happened to this child?”So, he tells the story of a boy he calls Peter. Peter spend the first 3 years of his life in a Russian orphanage. Babies here were kept in a huge room in cots stacked side to side. Caregivers came buy doing the basic chores of changing diapers and feeding. Cuddling, nurturing and cooing so crucial in brain development and socialization skills were kept to a bare minimum. Children here basically adapted to parent one another through their cots. So much so that they developed their own unique language similar to what one sometimes find with twins.
Peter was lucky in that he got adopted by an American family that were loving, committed and devoted. They knew they were going to face challenges because of Peter’s deprived history in care. They could not know how great it was going to be. See Peter was intelligent. Cognitively he functioned appropriate to his age but socially and in some other ways he functioned below his age levels. It was like having a seven year old (the age DR. Perry got to work with him) and then having a baby and the next moment a toddler when it came to socialization and communication. The mother simply treated him on the level he represented with each facet. This lead to marital strain as the father felt that she meeting him on his level stinted his development to an appropriate level whilst she felt given his past, she did exactly what he needed.
Dr. Perry did proper brain scanning to pinpoint the child strengths and weaknesses more exactly. This helped the parents to know when to entertain his needs and when to rather challenge him in his development by refusing to “baby” him. It went much better but one big problem remained…Peter was a total social outcast at school. You could not really blame his peers for that because he did behave in ways that send messages that he want to be left alone. He was after all far behind them in the basic foundations of socialization.
One day Dr. Perry asked him if he remembered Russia. He drew a huge map resembling the shape of Russia and then made a tiny spot in the middle of it. “This is Russia, and this is me”, he said pointing to the dot. In a heart breaking way he expressed with this drawing how immensely lonely and isolated he felt. The thing was going to school now made him feel some of that again. Perry knew he had to make a plan. Dr. Perry got permission to speak to Peter’s class. He explained to them the dynamics of brain development in an accessible way. Then he told them Peter’s history and basically related how all Peter’s problematic behaviors is explained by his developmental delays. The class was mesmerized…
Which bring me to the hopeful part. We often here that kids could be cruel and sure enough we have all witnessed bullying and blunt rejection by them. But kids can also be very kind. Sometimes, maybe always, we fear and shove aside anything we do not understand properly. It is a way to deal with the challenge such things pose simply and effectively: Label it and flee from it. This is what the children did with Peter. But now that they knew why he behaved like he did, they embraced him. It was especially the strong leaders that was now attracted to Peter and protected him. There was even fights for who would get the privilege of sitting next to him.
Peter thrived. He made progress much faster and further than expected.
May this be a reminder to all of us, not just of the immense importance and healing power of acceptance, understanding and embrace but also as a warning not to label and dismiss what we do not readily understand.
Gabriel J Snyman
May 3rd 2021