Exodus 17:1-7
Quarrel Some More
Things are not always what they seem. Especially so, when it comes to Bible stories. Take for instance the parable of the landowner in the vineyard in Matthew 20, the one we read last Sunday. On the surface the landowner is being unfair but then Jesus says God is like this landowner and he is not unfair, just merciful. The fact that things are not what they are on surface level is what makes parables and bible stories so engaging. They invite you to delve deeper and wrestle with their real meaning.
I want to pause for a bit not at the passage we read today but at one of the most difficult stories in the Bible. The one found in Genesis 22. Where Abraham is asked by God to sacrifice his son Isaac, born to him at an old age as a son of the promise. The story is generally framed as a test of obedience and a story illustrating that God is merciful. It is not a wrong way to frame the story. Abraham did show immense obedience and God did stop him before he could go through with it, providing a ram instead. But maybe this frame of obedience and mercy, even though it is not wrong, is still incomplete. More might have happened here…
What is notable is Abraham’s silence. He did not quibble with God at all. Think of just how strange that is. There was so much to oppose, clarify and even to rectify when God gave Abraham this command. There was the obvious fact that Isaac was a son of the promise. There was also the fact that sacrificing first born babies was a trait of surrounding tribes that served other gods. There is the purely human fact that this was unbearably hard on a father to go through with. Abraham voiced none of this to God. He silently obeys.
“Wait a minute!”, I hear you say. Isn’t that commendable?! God is authoritative and knows best and Abraham completely obliged. But things are not what they seem. Yes, God is authoritative. But He is also relational. In essence God is a community of three persons, inviting the people he created into this community. That implies God is looking for more than soldiers that can execute his demands. He is looking for people who loves him and acts relationally with Him as they seek to execute his commands. And it just might be that even though Abraham passed the obedience test, he failed an equally important one which was the relational test. It is kind of safe to say, if we keep in mind that when Jesus got instructed to lay down his life, he wrestled with God. He pleaded that the cup shall pass, that God would find another way. Jesus quibbled more with God the Father wanting to sacrifice his son, than did Abraham when God asked him to sacrifice his son. It is notable that after this incident we never again read that Abraham talked to God or to Isaac. Also, that Sarah died. Isaac was equally passive but then Jacob is blessed and named Israel upon what? Upon wrestling with God!
We can think of others that wrestled with God and for that very fact are revered. Job, Jeremiah, David, the writers of the psalms of lament. To a lesser extent even Jonah. It is also notable that Jesus often did not choose to resolve the tension by giving straight clear-cut answers so that He would pass the test but often replied to questions with a question. I haven’t checked this, but one theologian said that Jesus only ever answered three questions directly and not by asking another question. With this all in mind, we could perhaps now also go below the surface level of today’s passage…
What people quarrel about; When people quarrel…
We find the Israelites a) weary and tired b) far from their promised destination c) in a state where their basic needs are unmet. But this is only when you look deeper. On the surface it looks like they are just being difficult. Moses’s initial response is that of somebody that thinks they are just being difficult. We all go there when somebody complain or oppose us. But in reality, very few if any people quarrel just to be difficult. People quarrel because they are tired, because some need is not met and because they don’t feel secure yet. People quarrel because they are not at their destination yet and the journey to there is long and hard.
It could serve us so well, to when we hear people complain, ask ourselves: “What made this person angry, tired or emotional? What need is this quarrel all about and lastly, what is this person afraid off. It simply makes for us understanding the people we have conflict with better and people who feel better understood, quarrel either less or not at all. This also applies to yourself and the inner turmoil you experience from time to time. You will feel better when you ask yourself; What actually made me tired? What need is unfulfilled? and “what am I afraid off?”.
We see Moses, after his initial knee-jerk and “you-are-just-being-difficult” response taking things to God and seeking counsel from a group of leaders. Yes, in answering these questions we do need help. Stephen Covey, which I regard as one of the most influential modern day Christians and wrote the famous “The Seven habits of Highly Effective People” coined one of the habits: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood”. It is difficult. Many people don’t do that. Even Moses didn’t go there straight away. But it remains the best approach, especially when we deal with disagreement, conflict and quarrels.
How People quarrel
The Israelites in this passage gets all dramatic. They said they were about to die. Without water one would die but it’s safe to assume they were nowhere near that at this stage. They did what most of us do when we are angry and tired. We overstate the reality to express the level of emotional turmoil we feel. We often go as far as to accuse somebody wrongfully as the people did with Moses in this story. And when somebody does that the least helpful thing you can do is to say is: “You exaggerate, just calm down”. Although they exaggerate the situation, they do not exaggerate the feelings they have and you saying they exaggerate denies their feelings.
A better response would be, when somebody exaggerate facts, is to sound back to them their particular emotions. “I see that you are really upset about this”. I can see that you are bitterly disappointed in me’. By doing that, you tell people that they have the right to feel what they feel. It’s like you are whispering to them: “It’s ok to be human and have strong emotions about certain matters”.
Note that Moses does the same with God. He also exaggerates. God also did not tell Moses how wrong and unfair he is. He instructed him on how to make things better and resolve the solution. In the book of Job, Job says audacious things about God while his friends says lofty things about God. At times they recite from the book of Deuteronomy. Yet, at the end of the book of Job God tells these friends to go learn from Job because Job, not them has spoken the truth about him. Now, He couldn’t have meant that Deuteronomy isn’t true. I must have meant that Job spoke authentically about Him, while the others tried to be theologically correct rather than authentic.
We view this whole story as the Israelites being ungrateful and immature. Yes, they still had some ways to go until maturity but them speaking their mind is unlike them under the Pharaoh where they just suffered in silence. This is progress because it means that with Pharaoh they just had authority. With God they now have a relationship. You complain and speak your mind when somebody you are in a relationship with, lets you down. I am not worried when a couple comes in for marriage counselling and tells me they fight a lot. Sure, they could perhaps learn to fight in a more mature way. But I am worried when they tell me they don’t even fight anymore because the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. Too many people become indifferent towards God. May that never be said of you. Rather speak your twisted mind to God than hide the real you from a God that loves you enough to stomach any accusation you may throw at Him unjustly.
Quarrels can have a happy ending
This story doesn’t end sad. I say that for two reasons. First of all, Moses names a place after the quarrel. Now, I don’t know about you but I usually, by default, try and forget the quarrels and the places where I had them. You only name a place if you want to remember something good, even if it was a tough lesson. Secondly, this quarrel ended in a miracle, with water streaming from the place one would least expect it. Quarrelling with God could have a happy ending which is why we sometimes should enter conflict.
Might I remind you that Jesus once told his disciples that he has not come to bring peace but the sword and that He will sometimes cause close family members to be divided. Jesus begged God to let the cup pass, to be spared the final show off between him and humanity disagreeing. But God had Him push through with it up until the cross. I can barely think of a quarrel that can end any worse than on a cross. It just doesn’t seem like constructive. Fortunately, it didn’t end on the cross.
There is a reason the apostle Paul refers to this Rock that Moses hit and then says this Rock is Jesus in one of his letters. Jesus was the one that entered the drama and conflict between God and humankind, man and sin. Jesus was struck hard and living water that poured from Him in the form of grace made for the most life saving miracle the world has ever seen.
One should pick your battles wisely and not seek to start a conflict about everything. One should definitely remain respectful and one shouldn’t call names or shout. But what one also shouldn’t do is try and bypass worthwhile conflicts. With people and God and yourself. Some conflicts you have to enter into so that something seemingly impenetrable can produce new life. In every culture there are things to commend. It’s like every culture has a way to naturally do certain things God’s way. There are many such things in Canadian culture. But let us also admit that every culture also has some blind spots and things they are prone to doing that is contrary to the ways of God. Maybe in Canada we are a bit to prone to avoid conflict (as I think people are too eager to engage in it in South Africa). Maybe we need to ask ourselves, how and when we should enter a quibble for the glory of God and a better tomorrow.
Close
If the Israelites were just obedient, they would have lived as well just like Isaac lived when Abraham was just obedient. There would in the place of this story be simple sentence that said that they were very thirsty but pushed on. Seen in this way you could say that them quarrelling was unnecessary.
But seen in another way, what happened here was necessary and special. They were moving closer to God and Moses. They engaged relationally, not just obediently. The fact that they wrestled with God made this place and what happened here a memorable one. They witnessed a miracle because they engaged authentically with God.
Let us be obedient but also authentically relational in our walk with God. He is as loving of us as He is authoritative over us.
Amen