You need to Ask better questions as much as you need the right Answers
2 Samuel 9
Better Questions; not only good
Answers
There is this movie called “Afterlife”. Christina Ricci and Liam Neeson play the lead roles. The story is a strange one. A girl who doesn’t seem to be too happy in her life and relationships, dies in a car crash. Her body is taken to the morgue but in this morgue she unexpectedly “wakes up” and talks to the undertaker. The undertaker doesn’t seem to be surprised. He explains to her that she is dead and must accept it and that he will be preparing her body for the next few days leading up to her funeral. One assumes that this man has a gift of communicating with spirits but when a little boy sees her from an outside a window in the facility and raises the suspicions of her boyfriend, one wonders if this woman indeed died or was tricked into believing she died. And this question never gets answered fully.
Now what is interesting is that as the woman wrestles with the same question the viewer wonders about, the undertaker actually leads her into asking an even more important question. Not: “Am I really dead?” but “Why were I alive?”, “What was the purpose of my life?” The woman actually comes to this shocking realization that she just aimlessly and passionlessly stumbled through life and did not really live life to it’s fullest. And as she is lead into this other question, it automatically leads you as the viewer into the same haunting question: “Why am I here?”, “Do I actually live life to it’s fullest?”
No let me tell you a secret…good stories is suppose to do what this movie did. A good story isn’t necessarily one that answers all your questions but one that leads you into asking good, potentially life changing questions. And let me tell you another secret…the reason the stories in the Bible survived for so long and are still today told and retold more than other stories is not only because they answered important questions people wrestle with (they often do) but also because they lead us into asking new and life changing questions that help steer us through life.
And I believe that today’s passage, wants to do just that. It wants to nudge us into asking specific questions. It tells us that when people ask these questions, good things follow. David is portrayed positively in most stories told about him. He is often portrayed as a brave, compassionate and wise king. In this passage precisely the questions David asks, gives us a peak into his wisdom and compassion. Let’s look at them more closely…
“Is there anyone…to whom I can show kindness?”
There are so many reasons that make this question an extraordinary one. First of all, it wasn’t the question kings usually asked in those times. Read through the biographies of many other kings in the bible and you realize that many asked exactly the opposite…they usually asked if there is anyone they can fight with or take revenge on! The sheer novelty of David’s question send a breath of fresh air through government. Some say we reap the benefits thereof to this day!
Secondly David’s question showed something of an approach not only to life and other people but also towards his past-one we would all do well to emulate! You see Jonathan was Saul’s son. There was hardly a man in David’s life that gave him a more difficult time than Saul-on so many levels. His life was literally in danger because of Saul. His side was clean, he honored and respected Saul even after he was anointed as the new King. He refused to take Saul’s life when he had a golden opportunity to do so. So the Saul chapter in David’s life was a very sad chapter. We all have chapter’s like that, don’t we?
But this question David is asking reveals a certain approach towards sad chapters that we all should take. He ask not how he can get back, how he can be compensated or how bad it really was. He ask himself what good came from it and how he could take that good and extend it into the future! You see one of the few good things that came out of his difficult days with Saul was his deep friendship with Johnathan. The bond of trust and grace between them saved his life and probably carried him emotionally through those days. Now extending this kindness between them to his ancestors was a way to take the best from a difficult time and let it live on.
We let failures and difficult times go to easily. We must wring every last ounce of positivity and valuable lessons from them and take it with us into a brighter future. Your failures is as a crucial element to your happiness and maturity as your successes are. There is always a way to draw kindness from bad or difficult chapters in one’s life.
Thirdly, David’s question is a question characterised by grace. Grace makes the world a pleasant place. It gives hope and life. Just reading this story makes one feel better…and grace all starts with a simple question: “To whom can I be kind today?”
Do you notice how we ask different questions? We ask: “How can I get even?”, we ask: “How can I get rid of that pesky, needy person today or how can I at least side step him or her?”. We ask: “Who will be kind to poor old me today?”. Approaching our days with these questions just seem to make us more grumpy, depressed and self-centred than ever before. It is not working.
Later David shows us not only what question to ask but also how to answer it. He promises Mephibosheth three things. Firstly that he will be kind to him. In a way this is the most important or most valuable thing David promises Mephibosheth because by it he says that he will be relationally open and emotionally available to him. Nothing dehumanises a person faster that helping him or her with a heart that is closed. Then, secondly David promises him land. This was something Mephibosheth did not expect. It was not something David was obliged to do. It was something He did out of generosity. Such things surprises people in a broken world such as ours. And then thirdly he promises him a place at the table. This was an act of connecting Mephibosheth with others but also of sharing. You know what? There are things we can and should give away because we don’t really need it. But it isn’t what we give away that makes the biggest difference but what we share. It is one thing and a good thing to give but it is an even better thing to share. That connects people.
So here is a challenge: Borrow David’s question for just a week. Dare ask this question that to few people ask. Dare leave the other questions that doesn’t seem to work anyway, aside and ask who you could be kind to? What good you can carry into the future from difficult chapters. Even though David fought many wars, his reign is remembered as a reign of peace in Jerusalem. Maybe this question was a key ingredient of that peace. Maybe it is a key ingredient of yours!
“Where is he?”
Again, not the run of the mill question. People like to shout: “Come to me!” rather than asking “Where are you?”. But you know what, asking “where are you?” makes people feel loved and puts them on a path of betterment like few others! If a preacher asks himself: “Where are the people I preach to?” Physically during the week, and emotionally, that question will make him a better preacher. If a teacher asks this questions of her pupils, it will turn her into a better teacher. The same goes for doctors and nurses-it is after all kind of a diagnostic question. If a parent asks himself: Where are my child emotionally, it makes him a better parent. It will make his children feel more loved. A good father does not go to bed before he at least have some answer as to where his children find themselves.
If you read carefully, you will notice that David gets his answer from more than one source in more than one way. Ziba gives him an answer and mentions Mephibosheth’s physical location and his physical condition (clubbed feet) which was helpful in itself but later Mephibosheth, probably unknowingly gives an even deeper answer to the question by describing himself as a “dead dog”. It gives us a glimpse of what emotional space this poor man was in and it lead David on what form his kindness towards him should take. When people see that you are interested in where they are and that you are willing to meet them where they are, it tends to open them up.
In Genesis 3 after Adam and Eve has fallen in sin, what was the first question God asked Adam? It was: “Adam, where are you?” (By the way there is a lovely Don Francisco song about this). It was how God reached out in love to a fallen, hurt human being. And you know what is the beauty of this? God never stopped asking this and reaching out to fallen and hurt human beings! That is why you will read that even when Moses wasn’t quite sure where he was, God explained to him that he was on holy ground. That is why when Jacob fled for his life because his sins caught up to him, God met him at Bethel and the next morning he knew where he was. That is when Saul was looking for his father’s lost donkey’s, God explained to him where he actually was and why he was there. That is why you will still to this day hear testimonies of God helping people find out where they are and where they should be going. We have an innate need to have someone we can trust to help us know where we are. We all have a tendency to get stuck or lost and God’s grace is exactly this: Reaching out to us where we are, explaining to us where we are and taking us to a better place. David’s actions here is the actions of the Good Shepard he wrote the psalm about and knew so well!
The question God asked so many people before you is indeed the one He asks you today: “where are you?” Become aware of your surroundings, the path that brought you here and where you are going. And if its vague and you feel lost, trust God to tell you stuff you need to know about where you are. Accept the help he sends and the provision for the place you are at. Enter and stay in conversation with God about where you are and where you should be.
Close
A good story does not always give you the right and final and wished for answer. Sometimes they just teach you to ask the right questions. Questions that when you ask them repeatedly, change your life and other’s lives for the better. We are a church. Let us be people that stay in conversation with each other and with others about these questions. Let us ask these questions. To others and ourselves.
Most importantly. Let us remember that Jesus also asked and still asks these questions. We were the ones that were included in his kindness and grace. Sin robbed our lives of essence and meaning and coherence…and life. But by grace Jesus changed our status and our core. We are no longer dead dogs. We are no longer people defined by what is wrong and different in our lives. We are people with a place at the table. It means we are part of God’s household. It means we are family.
May that change the way we see ourselves, our calling and other people. May that make these two questions echo throughout our time on earth.
We once were lost but because a great king showed us his kindness and grace, we are found.
Amen